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The Historic Conquests of Andrew Cass

Poorly written screeds drawn in crayon.
Jun 19 '12
Shameless self-promotion time! Here’s my latest for the Daily Pygmy: Parents Create Kickstarter to Get Unemployed Son Out of House.

Shameless self-promotion time! Here’s my latest for the Daily Pygmy: Parents Create Kickstarter to Get Unemployed Son Out of House.

Jun 16 '12
Radiohead - Lucky (OK Computer)

Happy 15th birthday, OK Computer.

(Source: Spotify)

Jun 16 '12

So a little while back I posted about an article I wrote for The Daily Pygmy called “Hollywood to Reboot Jennifer Aniston" and I was looking back at the article today and I found what I think is my new favorite comment on anything I’ve ever written:

so how much were you paid to write this stupid ass article, are you not ashmed of yourself one bit for doing this. jen has a sucessful career and i mean nobody can stop her from doing what she loves except God so get over your damn self you heartless motherF.Ucker hater

if you dont know she has 5 movies in works that are about to start shooting from june so REBOOT HER IF YOUR ASS CAN DO SO, HAHAHAHAHAHA

For the record, I was paid $300,000 by the Angelina Jolie Illuminati Society. Under the table too, we wouldn’t want to leave a paper trail.

Jun 16 '12
Hey remember when The Sims first came out and how much fun it was to delete all the beds and toilets so that the Sims had no choice but to pass out in their own filth?
That’s still happening, but with real people now!

Hey remember when The Sims first came out and how much fun it was to delete all the beds and toilets so that the Sims had no choice but to pass out in their own filth?

That’s still happening, but with real people now!

Jun 1 '12
If dystopian novels were written today, all the characters would look like Bruce Jenner.

If dystopian novels were written today, all the characters would look like Bruce Jenner.

May 31 '12

Classic summer jam.

May 30 '12
I don’t do much shameless self-promotion on here (or much of anything really), but I’ve started writing some satirical articles for a website called The Daily Pygmy. You should read it! Click through the picture to read my latest story. It will also explain why I included a picture of Jennifer Aniston with this post.

I don’t do much shameless self-promotion on here (or much of anything really), but I’ve started writing some satirical articles for a website called The Daily Pygmy. You should read it! Click through the picture to read my latest story. It will also explain why I included a picture of Jennifer Aniston with this post.

Apr 13 '12
Want to feel like a super old person? On this very day 10 years ago, two songs featuring the vocal masterwork of Ja Rule were in the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. Also Fat Joe was a thing.

Want to feel like a super old person? On this very day 10 years ago, two songs featuring the vocal masterwork of Ja Rule were in the top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100. Also Fat Joe was a thing.

Mar 15 '12

Inventions that were probably thought up at two in the morning

-The Pet Rock

-Pogs

-Pogo Sticks

-Pancakes and Sausage on a stick

-Doritos Locos Taco

-Crystal Pepsi  

-Duck-billed Platypus

Feb 7 '12

Leaked: Entire Battleship Screenplay

LIAM NEESON
You sunk my Battleship.

LIAM NEESON launches torpedo, 80 ships blow up.

CREDITS.