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We are looking for a hardworking, self-motivated writer to help us brainstorm ideas, develop and ultimately create a ransom note for Paul Crestman of 244 Garden Drive. Qualified candidates will be able to communicate efficiently and effectively through the use of cut out magazine letters. Some magazine clippings will be provided, but it is strongly encouraged that the writer brings in some magazines of his own.
The writer will also be responsible for updating our social media sites, including a Facebook fan page and a Twitter account, @wehavepaulcrestmanandyouwillpayusifyoueverwanttoseehimagain (we are taking suggestions for a better name). We are kidnappers on the cutting edge of the technological revolution and our goal is to bring the kidnapping industry into the 21st century. Because of the police’s ability to track our IP address, the winning candidate will have to update the accounts from McDonald’s, or hack into our neighbor Carl’s wi-fi (his password is “password”).
Interested writers should send a resume and 3 writing samples to the man in the black overcoat standing under the bridge near Sunnyside Park. Candidates must have 1-2 years of extortion or bribery writing experience.
Important verdict: Not many people track the Gin Blossoms tag.